IF THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE CALL "CURHAT", THEN IT IS.

It's 3:30 in the morning and I'm pretty sure I am allowed to have some random even delusional thoughts at this very moment. Whatever comes out by the time I click "publish" button, well, pardon it will you? Its even fine with me if in the middle of this piece you'd be like "what the heck? I better check my friendster rather than reading this junk". Your call peeps. I don't care what you think anyway.

I'm just sort of having a little confusion about a few things. About how mutual feeling becomes such a big deal for me.

I suck at analogy, so I'm just gonna mumble a bit and try to portray the situation.
There's a girl, there's a guy. The guy loves the girl, the girl doesn't. "Not anymore" maybe can replace the "doesn't" part. It's a whole 1000 miles long story. You wouldn't want to hear the details.

The problem is, why would this thing happen?
The cycle is so not pretty by all means.
People are yelling around all the time saying "what goes around comes back around".
The girl once hurt. Though in the end she realized, she wasn't that hurt. She's just trapped in the fact that she failed at keeping all stuff together. She was just a drama queen wanting everything to be perfect though she knew everything wouldn't. And now when the clock turns, the love once (kind of) gone is back, there she is standing in the middle of messy puzzle where she could really hear her brain speaks louder than her heart. Cool, huh?
Is she glad because the guy finally crawling back, begging to be loved and finally got his karma? Hell no. IT FEELS LIKE ES-EICH-AI-TI. It's like having a bowl of yummy ready to eat cream soup in front of you, but you want to wait for the big chunky pizza God knows where to find it because you're sure you deserve more than just a soup. See? I told you I'm bad at analogy.

Isn't it better if the girl just try to love the guy back?
Isn't it cuter if the girl just be thankful and appreciate the guy's attention toward her?
Isn't it easier if the girl just give it a freaking try. Starting all smooth and fresh.
Isn't it awesome if the girl is not me, my self?

I envy people who could easily give second chance to the ones they love and how they sincerely accept the fact that no one is perfect. I salute people who can have peace with whatever happened in the past and just move on together creating a better journey for each other. That's just beyond sweet, isn't it?

It's just too ironic. I see my self in the mirror and I am like, "dude, why don't you just use your simplicity mantra?" I've been so proud of how I don't complicate things.
But things turn out become a lot more complicated without you even try to make it be. What's worse is I know exactly where the complication comes from. ITS IN ME (no, I wasn't thinking Aqua. Though now I am)

If I have to relate this to people around me, man... I feel like a chicken running around with a T-shirt saying "arrogantly doesn't know how to be thankful". I mean, how many people are stuck in this ironic stage. When you love but aren't loved. Or you're loved but you can't love back. All those not-so-silly whatnot.

Arrrgh. If only I could just eat the soup and be happy about it.

PS: NO, I DON'T NEED ANY-ONE'S COMMENT ABOUT THIS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. LET'S JUST PRETEND I'M DRUNK.

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